March 29, 2024

Essential Values and Skills about Mental Strength and Mental Independence

By Sandra Nwadi, Esq

In life, almost any and all good skills are helpful in life whether or not they are needed immediately,  daily, matter to the person or their fields or career or not.

Some skills are visible and invisible…
I mean skills that can be seen readily or touched; actual learning and teaching or attempts in: carpentry, tailoring, any repairs, building anything, cooking, etc for both men and women equally or kids of both genders.
While some seen as invisible might just be like advocacy, accurate intuition, composing, foresight, etc.

Yet, both the visible and unable are intertwined and definitely brilliant and academic. Most or all of these ought to be imbibed in both male and female kids and adults while grooming the skills and  the areas of interests too.

On mental strength and mental independence- these two are individual but subsumed traits necessary in life for both kids and adults. Definitely.

These are values and skills every human should become conscious of intentional and deliberate.

Imagine the beauty in being strong in thoughts and analysis and thinking clearly, recognising one’s own flaws, recognising the flaws in others, standing up for one’s self and or others, a certain toughness, appropriate resilience, strong will, discernment, asking for help, solving problems on one’s own or even with people as the case may be WHILE FOLLOWING UP with pragmatic actions,necessary solutions, decision making, etc.
THESE  ARE JUST WHAT MENTAL STRENGTH AND MENTAL INDEPENDENCE ENTAILS AND HOW IT INTERTWINES.
Of course, there are more on it but these are the basics.

These aspects listed or values in the topic of the essay all essential  are because they sort of act like or as air, adrenaline, blood in the veins, the fuel to start the car, the engine that gets the airplane, ship or car working, the energy and action that keeps the heart, mind, body, soul and even brain working in the healthy, non-toxic directions in life.

You see, humans can have all the finances, education, connections, be with the best friends or best families or colleagues or whoever else in the world and still end up as victims-this is a fact.

Let’s look around our residence, work,home towns, cities, the news, history, etc- we can tell by now how people get sbused and how it can be done by various people, systems or even rules. Generally, people.

💯➡️However, ending up as a victim, allowing abuses and then, remaining there can most often be cured or saved or helped by mental strength and mental independence.

On Stockholm syndrome- this is a terrible and addictive aspect in victims and of victimhood whereby they hold on, bond, make excuses, manage, accept, create a comfortable life and a nuturing-illusion about their abusers and the abuse.

It becomes difficult to let go.

Even the few that let go create a fertile grounds in the mind and outside their mind or to people. about how or why the abusers are abusing and why they can manage or managed or why they even need to keep abusing, not be questioned, to be forgiven”, not face justice systems, be silent as victims, why they need to remain in abuse, etc.

Stockholm syndrome existed even before the coinage became one although the name came from an event where by victims and hostages ended up bonding and creating excuses for the abusers and robbers.

How mental independence, mental strength, abuse, Stockholm syndrome, therapy, recognition of problems and solutions are intertwined and help a lot in life depends on varying degrees of each case, context, willingness to solve problems,treatment management plans of problems that cant be cured, researches, etc.

There are people both from poor and wealth homes passed throughout suffer abuses.

Mostly women world wide and especially in Africa, Asia too, etc.

Some boys and men are also victims and their families and friends enable or preach the cultures of misogyny,  toxic masculinity,  toxic patriarchy, mockery and silence.

In order words, abuse and being a victim are no respecter of persons; gender, class, status, race, tribe, etc and abusers can be in any of these groups and more.

Even if children and adults are given the best in academics and academic education and have a job, salary, allowances or wealth- it almost always means nothing if they cannot think for themselves,  reason for themselves,  stand up for themselves, take necessary actions, quit joining the crowd, thinking constantly of what people or institutions will say, needing unhealthy validations here and there, etc.

▪It is note worthy to mention that there are toxic aspects of religions, cultures, traditions, etc that are abusive or trigger abuses even though people have settled down to seeing it as okay.▪

It is also essential to note that abuses transcends negatively, are multifaceted and cuts across different aspect of life and they include:
financial abuse, sexual abuse, health abuse, physical abuse, physical violence, violence of the mind, mental abuse, emotional abuse, etc and they all exist in and among families, work places, relatives, married couples, schools, relationships, unmarried couples, even strangers, spiritual abuse, cultural abuse,  religious abuse, etc.

Sometimes, a thin line distinguishes one or two or more abuses and sometimes, it’s more than a clear bold line.

  • Abuse is a power game and tool of control. Unfortunately.
  • Mental strength and mental independence always and almost always counters it.

These two are almost the very two ingredients along with self love, humanity, justice, finance, education, etc that makes life worth living, pushes people to learn, unlearn and relearn what needs to be, save themselves, keep themselves alive, etc.

It’s hard for victims to move on or save themselves at times, resign to abuses, be convinced it’s manageable or even normalised because of Stockholm syndrome (lack of mental  strength and mental independence) these we understand too well in psychology,laws,crimes, history, researches, social welfare, etc and how victims drown in fear and create excuses for abusers while bonding traumatically with them.

It doesnt always necessarily take a strong network of sisters or women in cases of abuse on for example women (it helps though)  because sometimes, women do well by victims and they go right back to abusers due to weak mental strength and weak mental independence, due to Stockholm, lack of foresight, fear of the future, poor family grooming, etc.

It would take individuals(men and women especially girls and women) learning, unlearning and relearning what needs to be.

It would take girls and women curing themselves of their own internalised misogyny against the female gender and curing themselves of the mild or concrete hatred against human rights, other components like gender equality, feminism, egalitarianism and all these or more which are actually part of humanity.  We cant support humanity and ignore these components.

It takes teaching and raising better sons and encouraging men to do better and cure if possible the misogyny, sexism,etc in boys and especially men.

The worst tools covered in good that worsen issues of financial, verbal, sexual, physical, etc abuses, control, misogyny,etc are in homes, families, text books curriculum and what kids are taught in school, churches, mosques, traditions, etc.

If people unlearn and teach the right things to boys and girls, things would get better.

There are even better ways to raise kids in that they are taught to question things, not keep a secret, not be ashamed of being victims of abuse, taught human rights, taught humanity, taught to communicate and be open to parents and guardians, report dangers to life, health, sanity, etc to people and more than one authority.

Not all cases or kids or people but kids or people raised these ways or taught or encouraged in these ways are grounded and mentally strong and mentally independent too.

If people quit mocking, looking down and stereotyping negatively unmarried ladies,
ladies without kids both unmarried and married, single mums, divorcees, separated people, those with only girl children, those adopting or using surrogacy, IVF, etc  in marriage OR just not even marriage, quit mocking or preaching against those fleeing from abuses whether physical or not, those fleeing from unions that are dead even though there are no abuse,
even stop unified widowhood practices,
let people choose to cut their hair or wear certain outfits if they want, the toxic imposition and implications of even bride price and lists especially when an individual or couple or family subtly or concretely does not want to indulge  in these, unnecessarily protecting schools, hospitals, churches, mosques, offices who directly or indirectly are abusive or guard their abusive members,systems or rules….

Things will get better.

If individuals, families, institutions, etc learn to speak up, call for justice,etc rather than wait to be victims or for loved ones or family to affected first,  if people quit wait for Activists,  Feminists, Lawyers, celebrities, NGOs and others to speak up, speak  out and fight for justice First And all the time alone with no support, funds, encouragement, etc-things will get better.

Let everyone in their own  way get to work  and do better in their own  lives and in rasing better humans.

Kids from 6 and even some exceptional 2 years olds or even before 2 years and before taking notice a lot of things, attitudes, doctrines, etc and grow and conform with it most times..

Let people get things right and teach themselves,kids and families to reason without always conforming to religions, cultures,environment, etc but rather values and humanity.

To teach and learn and to realise and believe first in Life and humanity being above everything including marriages, cultures, traditions, religions, etc..

From my timeline, associations, events, articles, values, people and those I follow, we are speaking against all forms of abuses.
More needs to be done too.

From speaking against and reducing or entirely stopping if possible: emotional to financial to mental to spiritual to physical to sexual to other types of abuses.

You know of people who were financially okay or working or educated or celebrities or influential but yet lived and drowned in abuses or are still alive and living in it
and some are out of it and now, survivors-Victors and winners as  should be.

This is where and what some of us have been saying for decades about the importance of mental independence and mental strength. These are survival tools  in life.

It is ultimately first and essential.

These helps a lot too: financial stability, education, unlearning nonsense, support system and network of of support systems in families, with friends, co-workers, churches, mosques, cultures, etc.

Remember, it may be hard to find support systems or help or care in or with same people or  tools that uplift and encourage any. or  varying abuses, misogyny, sexism, subjugation, submission, toxic patriarchy, toxic aspects of culture and religion and family upbringing.

➡️So, yes back to the beginning and the teaching one’s self as an adult and raising boys and girls right in mental independence and mental strength, humanity and equality.

Back to why I have mentioned a lot in my articles, comments, posts,  speeches, etc over the years that there should be no toxicity or discrimination against people for leaving toxic unions, for not having male kids, not being religious or cultural or holding on to aspects, not being married,
not having children at all,having children and especially having them in prepared ways and yet not married  as the world expects, even stop widowhood practices,
to stop a lot of toxic, dysfunctional   and discriminatory upbringing in homes and schools, cultures, religions, etc because it is a toxic cycle which goes round and round and still gets caught up.

A cycle.

Again…Back to mental strength and mental independence to think for ones self and stand up for one’s self and others.

To even speak out against some work leaders, government leaders, village heads, church leaders, mosques, cultures, systems, laws, rules, cultures, traditions, aspects of religions, to ask for an overhaul, to ask for changes, reorientation,
then resetting and curing of mindset and attitudes, etc.

To do the above more often than not requires using already in built if any  or teaching or grooming or exerting mental strength and mental independence.

Start teaching yourself and young ones and just about anyone really the right things and the values and skills  even if strange at first.

Especially; Start teaching kids the right things and that life and humanity first above all as my parent and I  and some other people did or do.

Plus, my parents treats/treated each other as best friends and partners.
None of the nonsense and toxicity that cultures, religions, the intertwining of subjugation and submission,
and other aspects a place or nation or  society negatively or glorifyingly propagate, preach, conforms, constructs and expects.

We do know sometimes, if not most, these toxic aspects can stifle, put people in a box, leave people open to abuse and cripple any talent or skills or eagerness to learn and grow mental strength and mental independence skills.

To each and their own way of life but errr,…no to toxicity, abuses  and all other nonsense.

Let’s do better by humanity too.

Life and humanity first above all things including repugnant and toxic rules or situations,  cultures, religions, marriages, work,friendships, relationships,etc.
FIRST and above all!

Anyway, may we all keep doing right by ourselves, kids, wards,families,etc and may all things work out together for our good forever and always.May life be fair, kind and amazing to us and may we be so.
Amen. Isee.

Furthermore, these are all wide issues and almost self explanatory along with Google articles and searches to help but at least, one can get a better grip and glimpse on the topics and issues.

We all have to be, learn and to live life intentionally, consciously and deliberately.

It’s doable.

~ Sandra Nwadi, Esq. BL. MBA. APNM.
©


Legal practitioner, writer, composer, rights activist,etc.

Member of NBA,FIDA,etc.

Nigeria and London

08037403924

sandracvnwadi@gmail.com 


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